The Secret to a Lasting Marriage
A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. I enjoyed hearing the responses from random people we’d tell. I got quite a few “wow, you don’t see that much anymore.” And one guy even asked us what the secret to a lasting marriage was. My husband and I both kind of just drew a blank. It’s quite funny now that I think about it. Why didn’t we have an answer?!
The hubby chimed in with a “well, I don’t think there’s really a secret. We just take it one day at a time.” And while I liked his answer, I kind of disagree. Kind of!
Since I had no answer to the question at the time, days later it just kept popping into my head. I felt bad about not having an answer. I mean, after 10 years I should know something right?!
So I’ve been contemplating what it is that has made my marriage last this long. And here’s what I’ve come up with..
First and foremost I will tell you this, if we did not have God in our lives, our marriage would have been over a long time ago. And I mean that. At times, God is the only thing that made sense to us. Without Him, nothing would be possible. Through prayer, Bible reading, church attendance, and strength, God has kept our marriage alive.
Even after being married for only a few months, let’s be honest, the other person can get annoying real quick. We ALL have our habits and bad tempers. Forgiving the other person for their mistakes is a daily thing and a MUST if you want your marriage to last. Holding grudges will bring you down FAST. Even when they don’t apologize, forgiveness has to happen.
If you’ve ever heard of the Love Languages book, you know what I’m talking about. Figuring out what makes your spouse feel loved and appreciated is essential to a lasting marriage. We are all different and not everyone feels loved the way you do! For my hubby, words of affirmation are essential to him feeling loved. He also loves when I cook for him. That shows a huge amount of love for this guy. For me, I am touchy feely. I need hugs and kisses to feel loved. That’s it. And maybe a surprise here and there. I love surprises!
Choosing Your Spouse Over Anything Else
Marriage takes fighting. Fighting for your spouse. You have to choose your spouse every single day. There will be days when you want to throw in the towel. Days will come when you will convince yourself divorce is the only option. Divorce is what has to happen. When those days come, drop to your knees and ask God to get those thoughts our of your head. The enemy is trying to break your marriage. Don’t let him. You are stronger than you think. God can and will give you both the strength to get through whatever happens in your marriage.
Compromise is essential in marriage. My husband and I are SO different. He grew up in the Philippines and came to the states when he was 17. He grew up catholic, I was a homeschooled Christian. I mean, to say we are different is like the biggest understatement in the world. We are insanely different. But making compromises helps us grow together. The big things become small things and you learn that your way is not the only way. So say goodbye to stubbornness, you can’t have it, sorry.
I’m going to be completely honest with you, I am not the easiest person in the world to talk to. Shocker right? BUT neither is my husband. We both have issues with communication. We would hide things from each other and keep secrets. Let me tell you, that leads you down a dark path. One that even we almost couldn’t overcome. Being honest with each other and keeping that communication open is ESSENTIAL. You have to let the other person know that they can come to you with anything and you won’t just start condemning and pushing your opinions on them. This was one of the biggies for my marriage.
Look, there are a lot of characteristics that a marriage needs to be successful, but for me and my marriage these have been the most important ones.
The thing with marriage is that there will be hard days and there will be wonderful, amazing, love-filled days. It’s up to you to choose what matters more. If what you have is worth sticking to, don’t give up when those hard days come. Don’t you want to be the cute elderly couple holding hands walking through the park? I do!
Everyday I choose my marriage. Everyday I choose my husband. I guess he was right, it is a daily choice..
He’s my life. He’s worth it. And I wouldn’t change this past 10 years for anything in the world.