Unforgiveness: A Lingering Poison
So many of us are plagued with the poison that is unforgiveness. It is a bitter, bitter place to be in and unfortunately many of us stay in this place. Holding something against a person will slowly kill you inside. I have seen this first hand. But what if it’s not you that’s doing the unforgiving? What if it’s the person closest to you? Your spouse, friend, or relative? What if you are the one who is living through a situation where someone close to you is not willing to forgive you or forget what you’ve done?
There are many things in my past that I am utterly ashamed of. And I always will be. Self-forgiveness is a lot harder than you think. Especially when you’ve hurt MANY people. Which in my case, I have. I sometimes wish no one else knew about my past, my awful past. Yet that’s not the case. My mistake was made known to the world (my closest friends and relatives), and it is something that can never be undone.
Dealing with everyday life now is different. In the back of my mind, I am always wondering who’s judging me, who still holds my past against me, who just flat out doesn’t like me anymore because of what I’ve done. Anyone else have this experience? Not every sin is kept secret. Oh man, how I wish no one else knew about my past. Thats’ what I keep telling myself. And any normal person would wish the same thing.
Do you know how embarrassing it is to have people close to you know your deepest, darkest regret? IT’S AWFUL. IT’S PAINFUL.
I have lost people in my life because of my past. I no longer have relationships with these people. Having to deal with a loss of relationships is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. Having to wake up knowing people hate you, it is a pain that I cannot even explain.
People hating you, people unwilling to forgive you, it is so heartbreaking. And I want you to know that you are not the only one dealing with this pain. I am in that boat and I know a ton of other people are as well.
Guilt Always Shows The Truth
One thing I’d like to point out here is that if you feel guilt and shame, if you feel BAD about what you did, that’s a GOOD thing. It means you care. It means you are ashamed of what you’ve done. And that is the start of self forgiveness.
What’s not good is letting that consume you and never letting yourself move on.
God does not want you to never move on from your mistake. He wants you to learn, grow, and become a stronger Christian and live for HIM. God uses broken people to do amazing things. God allows us to go through circumstances to help others who might be going through similar situations as well.
He can use you. Even after you’ve messed up. Even if people around you are not willing to forgive or forget. GOD FORGIVES. GOD FORGETS. And I need reminding of that daily.
Go And Sin No More
One of the most beautiful passages in the Bible to me is John 8. Here we have a woman who was brought to Jesus by the scribes and Pharisees who had been caught in adultery. The law back then said that she was to be stoned for her sins. They asked Jesus what He thought. He bent down to write something on the ground. The bible doesn’t specify what He wrote. But then He stood up said the most amazing words..
“Whoever is without sin among you, let him be the first to cast a stone at her.”
Slowly, one by one, they walked away. They had no right to condemn her. No one is without sin. Not one of us. And we have no right to hold sins against other people. NO RIGHT. And people who do not forgive you, they are sinning. In God’s eyes they are sinning. And they are only hurting themselves.
“Woman, where are your accusers? Has no one condemned you?”
“No one, Lord,” she answered.
“Neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Now go and sin no more.”
Know That You ARE Forgiven
Even if you have to keep living with people around you hating you and holding your past against you, this should NOT keep you from living your life for God and growing more every single day. God forgives you.
And when satan wants to remind you of your past, tell him to go to HELL!
Do not let unforgiveness hold you back. If it holds anyone back, let it be the unforgiver. Go live your life and sin no more! LEARN from your mistakes. Do the best you can to better yourself. And that person who is holding onto that grudge, they will waste a lot of time being angry, and that’s not your concern. They will have God to deal with.
Let God deal with the people who are unwilling to forgive. Just try your best to forgive yourself and start making improvements in your life.
I know first hand how hard this is, but instead of focusing on what others are doing, you’ve got to focus on self improvement.
You can do this! Don’t give up on yourself, even if everyone else has. Don’t you dare give up on yourself.