Family, Marriage

Marital Bliss- is that even a thing?

I stop and think to myself, what the heck am I doing wrong here? Because it’s got to be something. It takes two to tango, right? So even if my husband was the worst human being on the planet (which he’s not) I would still be responsible for 50% of how sucky our marriage is. Or at least how sucky I think it is.

Marital Bliss- Is that even a thing_

A little bit of back story here for you- The hubby and I started dating at age 20, got engaged after 3 months, got married after another 3 months. It was a quick whirlwind of love and emotions. I was head over heels for this man. I mean, we could not stand being apart. Ever. I went on a trip for two weeks to Alaska and he was in tears telling me not to leave him. I know, adorable. It was insane how obsessed we were with each other. If you’ve ever been in love, I’m sure you are familiar with the swept up feeling.

But what happens after the “honeymoon phase”? When things start to get REAL. When the bills start rolling in, the kids start popping out, and the stress starts taking over your life? Maybe for the first year or two you guys keep it together and stay sane. But marital bliss, forever? I don’t know.. I think there might be those couples out there who have everything working out perfectly between the two of them. Maybe they never argue, never fight, and never disagree. But is that the reality for most of us? No my friends, unfortunately it is not.

Have you ever been there? Sitting there, sulking and crying about how marriage is NOT what you thought it would be. How the man you married is NOT who you thought he was, or expected him to be? Why am I not happy? Why do we always argue? Why, Why, Why? Hmm, well believe it or not, you are probably not what HE expected either.

I have been there so many times it’s not even funny. I am a Christian woman, and I don’t believe in divorce unless it is necessary because of emotional or physical abuse, and I have found myself contemplating the idea of divorce a few times. Trying to convince myself that it was okay with God. Have you ever been there? I think I have allowed myself to become extremely selfish in my thoughts.

You see, marriage is not what anyone really expects. Marriage is freaking hard. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It’s not something that just comes easily. There will be days and days of sulking, sadness, and doubt. But is that how God intended marriage to be? Of course not! God intended marriage to be a beautiful union filled with respect, honor, and love.

1 Corinthians 13:4  Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

“Love endures all things”, I love that. When I feel as though I just want to give up and move on to something that is easier, I have to remember that we can endure anything if we give it to God and seek His help and guidance. People now days give up too easily. They think they will be happier moving on. And I just don’t get it.

I have found that happiness is knowing my man will be there for me, he will be faithful to me, and he will love me know matter what. He knows all of my flaws, my annoyances, my bad habits, and he still loves me. Having a person to rely on and trust is the greatest feeling in the world. I get so sad when I see couples who have been together for so long give up and get divorced. They’ve put so much time and effort into it, why give up now?!

Ruth 1:16-17 But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.”

Ruth is a great example of not giving up and fighting for true love! It’s beautiful how deeply she feels and how nothing will tear her apart from this man. Do you feel this way about your spouse?

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Here’s where I want to get into the nitty gritty. “A threefold cord is not quickly broken.” This phrase is talking about God being the center of your marriage. You, your spouse, and God. No one can break that. Nothing can break that. It is strong and can withhold whatever trials and tribulations are thrown at it. If we seek God fervently, He will help us in our marriages. He WILL answer our prayers.
We will be faced with many tough situations in marriage. Maybe some that are too tough for you to hold on. But one thing I know out of experience and being married for over 8 years now, if you are not seeking God first and foremost in your relationship, it will crumble.

If you and you spouse are struggling to hang on or struggling to find the love again, I encourage you to HANG ON! Don’t let go so easily. Seek out God and try as hard as you can to fix it before you decide to move on. I can tell you, I completely understand how you are feeling. I have been there. Trust me. But if you can make it through this, you can make it through anything. Go. Pray. Now.

Some things you can do to strengthen your marriage right now! –

  • Seek out marriage counseling.
  • Pray together and read the Word together.
  • Do a marriage workbook together.
  • Find a common interest and do it together.
  • Join a small group with other married couples.

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19 Comments

  1. I’ve been with my sweetie for 23 years and let me tell you, it is hard work. Our relationship started fast too. I moved in with him after a month of dating. 🙂

    There were times I questioned if our relationship would work and when I did I would remember that he is a gift from God and not about to let it go.

    Yes, it’s very important that we have God as the center of our relationship…that is what gets you through the tough times and where the unconditional love comes from.

    Wonderful post lady!
    Corina Ramos recently posted…A Teen Dictionary of Acronyms and Terms for ParentsMy Profile

    1. Cori, congrats on 23 years! That’s awesome. You just can’t give up!

  2. When you are actively praying for your spouse to walk closer with the Lord it’s hard to be angry with them. pray for them and with them.
    Marie with spreading-joy.org recently posted…Living Life with MeaningMy Profile

  3. Wow, thank you for your open honesty. Marriage is really hard work, and with God at the center and help from those around you it becomes something worth fighting for! Very encouraging 🙂
    Cathy
    Cathy recently posted…Back To School #Back To CleanMy Profile

  4. I love your honesty!!! I always love posts on marriage, because it makes me curious to hear others thoughts! We LOVE marriage and thankfully I can say that because Colby’s love for me just overwhelms me (yes, I’m spoiled). Have we had hard moments? yes! I will say one of my favorite things to do is pray and worship together!
    Caroline @ In Due Time recently posted…There is MoreMy Profile

    1. Thanks Caroline 🙂 Being open and honest about my marriage is something that doesn’t come too easily. But I thought I’d give it a try. Keep being spoiled by your hubby! 😉

  5. Marriage is a lot of work. Yet it is totally worth it! There’s always going to be challenged in life. There will be seasons of joy and seasons of sadness. Walking together on this journey, growing together, laughing together, and crying together are a part of marriage. And God is good and faithful to sustain us in the storms of life. Great post and reminders!
    Jonathan Key recently posted…The No Spend Challenge – Day 24: Have Another Free Date Night!My Profile

  6. HANG ON. Seriously. Marriages are worth it! I can’t imagine the joy and honor it must be to sit alongside your spouse in her 60s and realize you’ve survived it all.
    Roxanne recently posted…I Planned All the Fun, but Forgot to ParticipateMy Profile

    1. YES! I cannot wait for that.

  7. I quoted the Ruth passage to my husband on our wedding day. With us both serving the same God we’ve been able to minister together. We try to read good marriage books, take time for each other and never, ever, talk to others about the shortcomings of the other. It’s makes a difference! We need more articles like this one.
    Pamela recently posted…Is Your Child a Bully?My Profile

  8. I was just telling a single friend this today. I feel like society has given up on the idea of marriage. It’s much harder work than expected and people don’t like to work at things. They want a feeling instead. I love this and the ideas you gave.
    Amy Dowling recently posted…Oh the Places You Will Go! Travel Gallery WallMy Profile

  9. Dee

    Love this post!! Marriage has a not so lovey dovey side which is what causes many couples to struggle. Good insight

  10. Great post on marriage! I would say that most people end up going through this at one point or another, where they contemplate if they made the right decision. Almost like buyer’s remorse LOL :)!

    One thing that has helped my wife and me for our 8 years it that we’ve consistently invested in our marriage with small groups, date nights, and trying to disconnect and spend time together as often as possible. When you make that a priority, it really helps the marriage out!

  11. We aren’t always blissful, but as for “keeping the honeymoon” period longer, with military life and deployment cycles about the time we were used to each other, he would leave again. We’re just now learning how to be a family.

    1. I can’t imagine how hard that must be on couples, to have their spouse leave for such long periods of time. Just goes to show how dedicated and faithful you are 🙂

  12. I think all marriages have their up and downs. But it is how you manage them that makes the difference. I love your suggestion of praying together and being in the word together. We went through a bible study together and that made a huge difference. Well- It was somewhat together- the wives did one book about being Godly Wives, and the men did another book about being Godly Husbands. I think putting God first in your marriage makes a huge difference, prayer and being in his word together.
    Kandi recently posted…Staying Refreshed with @oldorchardjuice #reviewMy Profile

    1. It really does make all the difference in the world. Not to say there won’t be difficult times still ahead, but I think if you have God front and center, it’s a lot easier to get through those tough times.

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