I stop and think to myself, what the heck am I doing wrong here? Because it’s got to be something. It takes two to tango, right? So even if my husband was the worst human being on the planet (which he’s not) I would still be responsible for 50% of how sucky our marriage is. Or at least how sucky I think it is.
A little bit of back story here for you- The hubby and I started dating at age 20, got engaged after 3 months, got married after another 3 months. It was a quick whirlwind of love and emotions. I was head over heels for this man. I mean, we could not stand being apart. Ever. I went on a trip for two weeks to Alaska and he was in tears telling me not to leave him. I know, adorable. It was insane how obsessed we were with each other. If you’ve ever been in love, I’m sure you are familiar with the swept up feeling.
But what happens after the “honeymoon phase”? When things start to get REAL. When the bills start rolling in, the kids start popping out, and the stress starts taking over your life? Maybe for the first year or two you guys keep it together and stay sane. But marital bliss, forever? I don’t know.. I think there might be those couples out there who have everything working out perfectly between the two of them. Maybe they never argue, never fight, and never disagree. But is that the reality for most of us? No my friends, unfortunately it is not.
Have you ever been there? Sitting there, sulking and crying about how marriage is NOT what you thought it would be. How the man you married is NOT who you thought he was, or expected him to be? Why am I not happy? Why do we always argue? Why, Why, Why? Hmm, well believe it or not, you are probably not what HE expected either.
I have been there so many times it’s not even funny. I am a Christian woman, and I don’t believe in divorce unless it is necessary because of emotional or physical abuse, and I have found myself contemplating the idea of divorce a few times. Trying to convince myself that it was okay with God. Have you ever been there? I think I have allowed myself to become extremely selfish in my thoughts.
You see, marriage is not what anyone really expects. Marriage is freaking hard. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It’s not something that just comes easily. There will be days and days of sulking, sadness, and doubt. But is that how God intended marriage to be? Of course not! God intended marriage to be a beautiful union filled with respect, honor, and love.
1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
“Love endures all things”, I love that. When I feel as though I just want to give up and move on to something that is easier, I have to remember that we can endure anything if we give it to God and seek His help and guidance. People now days give up too easily. They think they will be happier moving on. And I just don’t get it.
I have found that happiness is knowing my man will be there for me, he will be faithful to me, and he will love me know matter what. He knows all of my flaws, my annoyances, my bad habits, and he still loves me. Having a person to rely on and trust is the greatest feeling in the world. I get so sad when I see couples who have been together for so long give up and get divorced. They’ve put so much time and effort into it, why give up now?!
Ruth 1:16-17 But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.”
Ruth is a great example of not giving up and fighting for true love! It’s beautiful how deeply she feels and how nothing will tear her apart from this man. Do you feel this way about your spouse?
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
If you and you spouse are struggling to hang on or struggling to find the love again, I encourage you to HANG ON! Don’t let go so easily. Seek out God and try as hard as you can to fix it before you decide to move on. I can tell you, I completely understand how you are feeling. I have been there. Trust me. But if you can make it through this, you can make it through anything. Go. Pray. Now.
Some things you can do to strengthen your marriage right now! –
- Seek out marriage counseling.
- Pray together and read the Word together.
- Do a marriage workbook together.
- Find a common interest and do it together.
- Join a small group with other married couples.